You and Me Kid A Practical Guide for Meeting Your Teen with Faith, Hope, and Love By Nancy Washburn

5/24/2019

Author, Nancy Washburn introduces us to her experience-based book about raising teens, “You and Me Kid”:
“I remember the day I became a parent of a teenager. He was my child one day and the next he was telling me he wanted to meet a girl at the movie theater. All of a sudden he wanted a girlfriend; he was 13. A whole new territory of decisions and feelings opened up before us as a whole new set of emotions and decisions was presenting themselves to him! What to do?

“You and Me Kid answers the practical side of this transition as well as a solid background of understanding of what is happening in the young person. The ‘3 Messages’ your child needs to receive from you to be emotionally healthy and to build a lasting, respectful bond between you and your child are clearly described in scenario and story.

“The ‘Three Messages’ are more than a 'text message' but clear ways of talking and interacting with your child that will empower you to know how to meet the task of providing your child with what they really need, your most heartfelt desire!”

IN THIS BOOK, YOU WILL FIND:
Tips to save parents and teens a lot of pain!
Engaging stories with simple lessons for parenting your teen
Advice from an experienced Parent Educator and Child Development Professor
Ways to learn to foster your teen’s success in life and build a lasting parent-child bond
Ideas on how to help your teen grow up emotionally healthy
Simple messages that every teen needs to hear
New practical help for living your desire of being an effective parent for your teen.
Information that the average educated person does not know about teenagers.
Messages teens need, made easy for parents
Knowledge of what all teens are experiencing developmentally
When teens hear these messages they always say, “I wish my parents knew this.”
How to shift from conflict with your teen into responsiveness and enduring connection
Feel competent as a parent of a teenager.
Discover key information about adolescent development that the average parent does not know
Advice on how to navigate important and difficult conversations with your teen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Nancy Washburn, M.A., is a Professor and Vice-Chair of Child and Family Studies at LA City College.

For the past twenty years, Nancy Washburn has taught Child Development classes to thousands of young adults across the greater Los Angeles area. Her goal as a professor has been to inspire new teachers and parents to go forward, and use their knowledge to help children and families to be the best together, and for society. Prior to teaching college Ms. Washburn was a Parent Educator for 16 years with families of children from birth through adolescence. Ms. Washburn has taught a variety of workshops on Parenting, Conflict Resolution, and Guidance. One of her favorite jobs has been raising three children of her own into productive human beings.

Throughout her career she has been spurred on by her own confusion and lack of confidence as an adolescent and the desire to help young people and their parents have a smoother ride. In writing this book she enlightens parents and gives them the knowledge and messages they need to have a positive relationship with their children and help them to be secure within themselves and in the world.

I really enjoyed this book. I was reminded of my own floundering and stumbling around as a teenager, trying to fit in and measure up. What a crazy time! This is one thing that I really love about this book. Nancy really respects and understands the turbulence of the time in a young person’s life. For a lot of people that time stretches well past the teen years.
Nancy’s clear and honest writing is very encouraging. Every teen needs to hear that they are exactly where they need to be, they are on schedule, in the process of maturing into an adult.
A lot in this book can apply to any person struggling with issues from their childhood, no matter their age.
I give “You and Me Kid” a score of 4.9 stars!

You can buy this book:
https://rdrpublishers.com/collections/parenting/products/you-and-me-kid-a-practical-guide-for-meeting-your-teen-with-faith-hope-and-love
https://www.amazon.com/You-Me-Kid-Practical-Meeting-ebook
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/you-and-me-kid-nancy-washburn

You can follow the author:
https://www.facebook.com/nancy.washburn.56

Tags: parenting, teenagers, teens, family, education, counseling

Copyright © 2019 Mark L Schultz except for the author’s introduction

70 Comments

Nancy Washburn link

5/25/2019 11:18:02 pm

Thank you, Mark! Your attention to detail is phenomenal.
I was after practical lessons in story form because it is easiest to grab onto. This is my experience after many years of teaching. In parenting it is my belief, that a little bit of knowledge helps tremendously! Even yesterday in my class at the college, when teaching many of the concepts in my book, students who are 18 to 21 said, "I wish my parents had known this."

Mark

5/25/2019 11:31:50 pm

I was thinking the same thing as those students, while I was reading your book. I was also wishing I had read your book when our children were very little.
I am glad you are still teaching and you have written your book. It will carry on after you retire.
New questions.
Who designed the cover of your book?
Was it hard to come up with the title? What was the process?

5/26/2019 05:12:48 am

Eric Nishioka, a young graphic designer, and his wife Nicol, an artist, created the cover. Patiently they worked with me to give the cover the 'picture' I had in my head, showing the closeness of a parent-child relationship with the little independent (perfectly normal) stance of a teen. This book is about that relationship and how to support your adolescent's growth at this vulnerable time in life. Their talent shows. I love the cover!

5/26/2019 05:35:29 am

Ah, the title! What fun! Many ideas swirl through one's head on the road to "that's it!" You and Me Kid kept coming back to me because I use it as an example of the close and sometimes playful interplay that happens between a parent and a teenager. The example I use when teaching is this: You and your child make an agreemant that they will be home at 11:00pm. Midnight comes and they show up. You say, "I was so worried. We had an agreement and you broke the trust we had in not following through with it. I am very upset and saddened by your choice." Then I listen to their explanation (sad little tale), with empathy. But because our trust in each other's word is so important I say: "because of not following through with our time agreement, it will be, you and me kid for the next couple of nights here at home, but I know next time you will remember to honor your word." The reality of parenting and the feeling needs to be, 'we are in this together". Thus the title!

5/26/2019 11:13:32 am

I love the story behind the title. It fits with the theme of your book perfectly.
New questions.
Is this the first book you have written? Will you be writing more?
Have you entered any writing contests?
Have you won awards of any kind for your writing?

5/26/2019 12:27:45 pm

When I was in 7th grade I remember thinking I wanted to help kids feel good about themselves. That's exactly the 'primitive' or maybe idealistic way I thought about my future career. Maybe a psychologist I thought, or teach 7th grade, since that is when I knew internally, I suppose, that life got difficult and one does not feel good about oneself. I didn't know that was a very normal part of development at the time. Your self-esteem, developmentally speaking, is lowest at around 13 years of age. I settled on the idea of teaching 7th grade as college unfolded, and was an English major. One summer I decided to take a Human Growth and Development class and found out that self esteem, how we view ourselves begins in the first years of life. I changed my focus and major and decided to teach 'little guys' which I did for a number of years. All this to say I have been thinking about writing about babies and parents. I'm attracted to these two stages of life, teenagers and babies, because I see they are the most vulnerable, important and misunderstood.

It never occurred to me to enter a writing contest. I'm blessed that my rewards come from all the people I have been privileged to work with, touch and learn from through the years, 'little guys', my guys, and 'big guys'.
And that's the truth!

5/26/2019 01:09:11 pm

That is an early calling. Very cool! You recognized a problem and sought to solve it. I love that.
Junior high was hell for me, as it is for so many kids. I am grateful for people just like you who want to help kids survive the transition period.
New questions.
Why did you have a book traditionally published instead of self-publishing?
How did you pick your publisher?

5/26/2019 02:02:20 pm

I had been saying to my classes for a number of years as I taught about teenagers and my ideas of what particular type of support they need, that I was going to write a book about this someday. Students would always say, "you need to." Finally, through the gentle prodding of my guy, I did it. First book, but I've always loved writing and was appreciated by teachers and others in this regard. In my early days of parenting I did have a couple of articles published in small pamphlet/magazines about being a new parent.
I'm not sure why I never thought of self-publishing.
My significant other, who has several books published about judo, gave me Writer's Market which is a tome that comes out each year. It is a wonderful resource for new and old writers. Within this book I found publishers who specialized in Parenting and children. I was attracted to Robert Reed Publishers because their motto is "Making this a Better World One Book at a Time." Right up my alley. I sent my book to four publishers but they were the first to ask to publish my book. They are lovely people and I enjoyed meeting them and working with them through the process. Their work exemplifies their motto. So lucky me, I found a fit!

5/26/2019 05:17:30 pm

Self-publishing has been around for decades, but very few people have been wiling to stand over a hot copy machine for hours and then cut and staple or glue the pages together. ;-) Seriously, small and vanity publishers have existed for a long time. The first is serious about books, the second is serious about making money.
That is cool, Writer's Market allowed you to search for small publishers and it sounds like you found a good fit with the Reeds. Full disclosure, Bob Reed hired me to promote your book. I have worked with them for several years.
New questions.
Now that you have written and published a book. Will you write any more books? Any topic, any genre.
How do you think your book compares to a book published by a major publisher?
There are many unethical practices in publishing, which one is the most unbearable in your mind?

5/26/2019 05:50:38 pm

Fortunately, I have only heard edges of unethical practices. Any unethical practice upsets me to tell the truth. Anyone who is publishing and doesn't love books, ideas, knowledge and information would bother me. People change by knowledge and understandings they have not known before; I've experienced it myself of course, and I see it everyday as a Professor. One way to sink into ideas is to read them, you can pause, read a line again, mull it over and swirl it around in your mind. Often a student has actually said to me, "this class really changed me." I always want to say, "Bingo!"
Reading changes one and it is a private matter at that point. The lightbulb goes on with reading or your soul just relaxes in, and absorbs these new understandings, a beautiful experience.
I am so happy with my book and my dealings so far that I can't imagine it being better. The only thing perhaps a larger publisher would offer is a wider advertising pool. I just want my book to help parents and teenagers and I think it will/does, so pass it on!
Above I mentioned perhaps writing a book for parents of babies. I love babies, and they are also misunderstood quite often.

5/26/2019 06:13:37 pm

I love how you describe the way we can experience a eureka moment, the sould relaxing into the concept and gaining an expanded view. Reading can change us, if we are open to the new information.
I hope you do write that book about babies. I think you have something new to bring to the discussion. Babies are not the blank slates that experts once thought they were. Babies have knowledge and they have will.
New questions.
Did you have a favorite book as a child?
Do you have a favorite book by another author?
Do you ever read a book more than once?

5/26/2019 09:51:57 pm

My Mom was a reader. As a young child we went to the beautiful, old library in our town once a week. As a matter of fact I learned to write my own name long before I went to school because in order to get your own library card you had to be able to write your own name. I remember practicing because I so wanted my own library card. My Mom read to us all the time, the Golden books and all the library books. One of my favorites was The Littlest Angel that I still have. The angel gives everything of hers away to help other people, even her wings.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn was another favorite as a young teen.
Some of my favorites include The French Lieutenant's Woman by John Fowles, (I'm a romantic), The Kingdom Within by John Sandford (not the novelist) and Henri Nouwen's book, Reaching Out, which I have read several times. I wish I would have written Theories of Child Development: An Introduction to Dewey, Montessori, Erikson, Piaget and Vygotsky by Carol Garhart Mooney. Also, any of Carl Jung's books are worth reading again. Most of the time
I read novels, though, and usually only once. I travel that way generally too, anywhere I haven't been is a good trip.(except for Switzerland, I could be in the Alps over and over) Getting started on the book memories kind of makes my heart start beating faster, like a roller coaster ride builds, more and more books come to mind. It is an excitement to remember the pleasures and life long lessons within.

5/26/2019 10:08:57 pm

We were both eaarly readers, because of our moms. I do believe you got your library card long before me. You have read some great books. When I really got reading on my own, I discovered science fiction and I was hooked. Fantasy became a close second, mostly because of Tolkien and the Lord Of The Rings, plus the Hobbit. That was some world building. I read the LOTR three times before I graduated from high school.
New questions.
Does writing have a spiritual or healing component for you, does it energize you or make you feel tired?
Do you write in a straight line or do you write what ever the muse provides for you at a given moment?

5/26/2019 11:57:52 pm

I've always liked words. When i was eight I wrote my first poem, just for myself. I believe writing might be 'artistic' for me. Art is self expression, and when words flow it is very viscerally satisfying, deep down, a 'yes'. More spiritual then, as a satisfaction of a desire of the heart, that had to be spoken, on a page. Often writing just calls to me and I want to tell the story or work out the feelings and ideas by writing.
I'm not sure what you mean by a straight line, so therefore I'm pretty sure I don't do that. I'm more of a forest person than a trees person, more intuitive than linear. I need to see the 'big picture' and see the purpose and meaning of a project and then I have ideas and inspirations. Writing is a pleasure for me, almost a meditation of sorts, a place I focus and explore.

5/27/2019 10:32:52 am

I can see how writing is very satisfying for you.
Writing in a straight line to me means in the same sequence as the chapters are in the book. There is an excellent guest bog on my website about the opposite method of writing, here is the link to copy and paste: https://www.wordrefiner.com/guest-blogs/non-linear-writing.
New questions.
What software do you use to write and publish your books, and why do you use those?
I know there are many ways to build the outline. Do you do it all on the computer or do you get analog at some point with post-its or note cards?

5/27/2019 12:17:54 pm

In the old days I used paper, pen of course, but now just Word.
As you can see in this book, it is a series of stories that teach. It must go back to my Irish heritage, we are good story tellers! My rationale was to be practical and encouraging with short lessons that could be immediately used in a parents or anyone's life.
I knew my 'messages' were right and the issue then becomes how to teach them in a usable manner. Storytelling is part of teaching and an age old tool for retention, relatability and application. The organizing came later somewha,t after the stories were told. I do love post its though but I didn't use them this time!

5/27/2019 01:24:06 pm

Your short stories are perfect. They deliver the message in an effective and winsome way.
There is specialized writing software for different applications of course. Scrivener is probably the one I hear about the most. I also hear that while it's very powerful, it has a bit of a learning curve.
New questions.
Do you have defined space for writing at home, or are you a coffee-shop writer?
Do you listen to music or have the TV on when writing, or do you need quiet?

5/27/2019 01:59:29 pm

Generally, I wrote my book at coffee shops because I have my buddy, who is a writer, so we wrote together so to speak. I was the youngest child in my family; I love having a companion for most tasks.That sounds strange perhaps but it is true. I do write alone of course, too, but once again usually in a coffee shop. To edit or rewrite I usually prefer a little more quiet and I would do that at my desk which is in the middle of everything! I'm a people person but also go on silent retreats and other such quiet spaces. It's fun in a coffee shop, though, to wonder who are the 'writers' and what are they up to?
I like 'people noise' or 'life noise' but not TV or music. I like music for physical tasks like cleaning but for 'thinking' tasks I find it distracting. Many people do better thinking with music and I know some math teachers allow students to listen when they take tests, but for some reason that is distracting to me. Maybe that being the baby thing again,' people noise' not a problem!

5/27/2019 03:48:05 pm

Every author has a different style of writing. Some are pantsers and they follow the muse whereever it leads. Others are plotters, they outline each chapter and its place in the book. Others use some of both methods. Same for the discussion between private and public writing. Your method sounds like fun.
I am in my office, I have no music playing. I do however have our youngest daughter's YouTube channel playing on a loop. She is a Weight Watcher ambassador and a social media influencer. Hre daughters assist in many of her videos and I love listening to them.
New questions.
Have you ever done any theater, written a play or any screenwriting?
What kind of marketing are you doing or planning on doing for your book?

5/27/2019 05:36:47 pm

No plays etc. , not my thing except as an appreciative audience. Oddly, we are sitting in Hollywood near the Dolby theatre as I write this, having just visited a beautiful Japanese ceramics exhibition.
In terms of spreading the news of the book around, I have many Parent Educator and educator colleagues. I have students and it is in our local bookstore which in Los Angeles is on par to a Powell's. I will be doing local worships in the area and have a proposal out to the national PTA. Next step a talk on You Tube or maybe a Tedx presentation. I'm open to ideas?!

5/27/2019 09:24:29 pm

Those are some good ideas. Especially the TEDx talk. I can easily see you having a YouTube channel. People could send you a question in a video and you could respond.
Anyone who deals with families and counseling would find your book useful, adoption agencies, foster family organizations and so on might buy your book or recommend it to their constituents.
New questions.
Did anything in the book come as a surprise while you were writing?
How long did it take you to write the first draft?

5/27/2019 11:29:05 pm

Perhaps I was humbled by how much I have learned from children, families, students, friends, and my own children, about parenting and life. Even reading it many times through I still felt it had a lot to offer parents. During my life, I have been a great observer of human emotion and subtlety. Even as a child of ten I remember asking my Mom why my Dad's secretary was so sad, even though she was lovely to us and we liked her. My Mom was surprised and just acknowledged how observant I was. She told me later that the woman's husband was a binge drinker and would end up on what we called 'Skid Row' at the time, and then he would come back and be all right for awhile, over and over. My boyfriend teases me about how I can determine what people are feeling who are sitting next to me in a restaurant. Observing humans seems to be one of my learning tools about human behavior, motivations and feelings. Perhaps strange, but I'm not consciously doing it, it just emerges.
Actually the book took me about four years of working on it periodically and going months without doing any writing on the book. In my own defense, I work full time plus one-fifth time, watch a grandchild one day a week and exercise an hour a day, plus all the rest of life. Yet, I was enjoying it when I did work on it; when it was finished I dragged my feet about sending it off. I'm sure there are many reasons for that. Finally, my boyfriend just pushed me into submitting it. Sending your 'baby' out into the world is always tough, whether it's children, an art piece or your writing. Then again, maybe it was all perfect timing because I am so happy with the book and all the support I have enjoyed from everyone in my life including people like you!

Andy Washburn

5/28/2019 01:56:42 am

As one of the teenagers referenced in the book, I can say that my mother has always been a great teacher for me and I hope that others can learn from her experience as well.

The book is a quick read, written in an easy and colloquial style, like a conversation. It is touching and humble, and not too embarrassing for those of us involved. ;)

I love you, Mom. And thank you, Mark for the review and the interview.

5/28/2019 11:09:40 am

Thank you, Andy, I appreciate you popping in and providing your perspective.

5/28/2019 11:08:19 am

You sound like a very empathic person to me. I have a little bit of that ability also.
Even though it took years for you to get the book written and published, I am very glad you did. Sending your baby out into the world is scary on many levels, I think every author experiences that anxiety.
I am here to provide support to authors, that is my mission.
New questions.
Going back in time, did you do any kind of creative writing, even back in grade school?
How early was it that you realized how powerful words can be?

5/28/2019 01:42:45 pm

In third grade I was writing poetry. I loved when we had a writing experience. I think it may have been fifth grade when we had to write a paper about where a penny might have gone in it's life from the point of view of the penny. Always teachers made positive comments about my writing as have friends and family.
As a reader I knew words were powerful because I was moved or changed by them. Words were always the important part of a song to me, also, good songs are poetry. Journaling has been a part of my life, sometimes things just must be said on a paper. I feel this as a directive, almost on certain days, ideas, feelings, thoughts just need to be put down. Words are beautiful and endlessly creative. Scraps of paper I find in many drawers that were sentences I read that I wanted to remember. It's a savoring of words to read a lovely sentence many times, or a poem. I might just be a word romantic!

5/28/2019 04:28:23 pm

You might be right, you are a lover of words, at least as much as I am, probably more, because you write also.
It's nice to know I am not the only one that loves the lyrics more than the song. When I can't understand the lyrics, I feel deprived.
New questions.
Do you have alpha-readers and/or beta-readers to help you smooth out a lot of wrinkles before publishing? If you don’t, why?
If you do, how did you find them?

5/28/2019 06:47:11 pm

I'm learning from you! I had a few beta readers.
It was helpful but I didn't know the distinction until I just looked it up! Life is grand, always more to learn!
Hopefully, I can use this knowledge in the future.
Unfortunately, I didn't step out enough perhaps to involve more folks. Someone told me a publisher would do this too, so that it didn't have to be perfect.
I am so appreciative of the people who did help me! Some of them people I already loved!
As I mentioned I'm happy with the content of my book, my messages, and the help they can provide.

5/28/2019 09:20:01 pm

There is always more to learn. I am constantly looking for information to share with authors. That's why I have guest blogs also. I think you might find those interesting and perhaps even useful.
Publishers are doing less all the time. Their profit margins are so thin, because Amazon has turned the entire industry on its head.
I am glad you have surrounded yourself with some good people, because after the first draft a bok needs a team to make it all the way across the finish line.
New questions.
At what stage in your writing process do you bring in the readers?
What kind of questions did you ask them to get the feedback you wanted?

Martha Gude

5/28/2019 09:24:03 pm

I really enjoyed this book. It provided so many situations that parents can refer to, in order to glean information and to find new tools, "strategies" to feel confident with their parenting and to really assist our kids to manage their own lives. I used to tell my kids what I thought they should do, then I got better at saying, "hhmmm, how do you think you'll manage that?". Then, I put tape over my mouth, or sat on my hands, to patiently await their response, and try not to interfere with their needed time to figure out their own plan. Parenting has been my all time hardest job. Thank you Nancy, this has been a much needed book about common sense, confident parenting.

5/28/2019 10:04:45 pm

Thanks for sharing your experience, Martha. I appreciate you stopping by.
You reminded me of a technique we used when our kids were above the fifth grade. When a rule was broken we let the kids pick their own punishment. Their chosen penalty was usually stiffer than what we would have imposed. They owned the penalty and fulfilled it quite well. I think it was your comment about sitting on your hands.

5/28/2019 10:19:25 pm

Do you mean now from a place of more understanding? I'm learning. I asked for critique but I would ask more questions about organization next time. A few ideas were presented and I changed a few concepts or elaborated to make them more clear. My first reader didn't know about child development in particular so he was a good audience to tell me if an idea needed more elaboration.
Oddly, some people who already had raised their children felt badly as if they hadn't done it right. I didn't really feel good about that! But many people said there were bits that anyone could profit from.
I had one person who read a couple of chapters before I finished and another who read each part as I wrote. The others read it as the book was formed. I am planning on being part of a writing group in the fall and I think that more objective format will be very helpful. Consequently you have set me the task of coming up with some really good questions for the future. And ideas?

5/29/2019 11:03:31 am

You had a nice mix of people. In terms of structure, you might get more help from other writers. Many authors have beta readers and they join other authors in a group for mutual encouragement and edification about the writing process. There are also critique partners, your SO qualifies as a critique partner as he helps you solve writing difficulties.
I don't think I have any good ideas for questions, interviewing an author is not the same thing as seeking feedback from a beta-reader. Other authors might be able to help you with that. I have asked many authors about their beta-readers in previous reviews, you might get some ideas there.
New questions.
What are three things, that you wish you knew before you wrote your first book?
What is the most valuable piece of advice you have ever received from another writer?

5/28/2019 10:25:55 pm

Thank you, Martha! Glad you liked it. I agree the older they are the more one has to be quiet.

5/29/2019 12:40:59 pm

Honestly, I'm not sure I can think of anything. It's kind of like a wave; I've just been riding and things keep popping up to do to promote the book.
Bette Midler inadvertently gave the best advice for the 'artist' of any kind or person for that matter. I knew a woman who knew Ms. Midler and she told me this story about her that I have passed on to many people.
Bette Midler has had a very successful career but she is not necessarily someone who eveyone loves (who is?) Evidently when she was forging her career and went for auditions, she took 'no thanks' as neutral. She just kept going, next, she would think. In other words she didn't say to herself ,'oh, they didn't like me how terrible, maybe I'm not any good." She took rejection as neutral and moved on and on and found people who did think she was great and built a wonderful career.
I want to be her! Do your thing, write your book, sing your song, take "no thanks' as neutral and keep offering what you have to the world!
What I tell my students is this: Never before on the planet, never again, there is no one like you, nor will there ever be. What ya' got to give?

5/29/2019 01:36:43 pm

That is a great story! I love it! Your advice to students is superb. It is very true.
I have been drawn to sales all my life because it was a means to help people who wanted help. I worked in retail for almost 20 years. I went into construction after that, and realized that is wasn't that different from my career in retail, people still needed help and I was providing part of the solution.
Now, I am doing the same thing in a different way. Helping authors gives me a lot of pleasure.
New questions.
Do you write notes by hand or on the computer?
Now that you have a published book, are you writing anything strictly for yourself or are you concentrating on writing for your readers?

5/29/2019 02:09:55 pm

Almost all my writing is on the computer. Everything for the book was on the computer.
It takes time to be creative it seems to me. Sometimes I long for time just to be and see what percolates to the surface. I still write journals by hand. More and more though even my thoughts go onto the computer or snippets of thoughts for other times.
I am off this summer so I am planning to have more time to write, which usually happens more when I have that expanse of a day. It is a pleasure. Sometimes I write spiritual musings and send them to my friends and sometimes I work on the history of my life in small bits and send it to my children.
Besides more writing for parents of babies, I do want to write more about my life, just for myself and posterity. My brother died two years ago. Along with missing him, I'm aware that so many answers to my questions went with him. A friend of mine's mother wrote books about their family history. She lived into her nineties and when she was no longer fully herself, her daughter would read this family story to her. I was very struck by how beautiful it was to have such a gift and to use it in such a way. Once it is written it can last a long time. My brother did our geneology and it was great but I still longed for the stories from these people. Wouldn't it be treasure to have the stories?

5/29/2019 04:07:45 pm

I hope you do more writing. I have a hunch there is more you can say about parent and child realtionships.
I think the memoir idea is good. What a lovely use for a memoit also.
A client/friend has written a book about writing memoirs, she is planning it for a class. I don't know if she is going to publish it, I hope she does. Her name is Chris Knoblaugh.
New questions.
Do you have anything you consider to be your writing lucky charm?
Do you think a strong ego is an asset or liability for a writer and why?

5/29/2019 04:29:33 pm

I wrote my book on this dinky computer I had purchased a number of years before to carry easily for another purpose. Just about the time the book was going back and forth for edits with the publisher, it had a heart attack. I was a little sad, like I wanted to hold on to the crib my babies had been in or something. In the end it was just a tool and so it was thanked for its service and replaced.
If you mean by a strong ego confidence in one's work, I think it's admirable. I guess we could debate what a strong ego might entail. Why not believe in oneself? I always remember in college my friends boyfriend did clay sculptures. When we went to his place to view them, my first thought was that they were ugly but as he talked about them with such confidence they grew on me. I always remember that lesson. In one assignment I give my students, they need to write a paragraph of what they have to offer as a teacher. It is the hardest thing they ever have to do! Some even leave off that part. We talk about why someone would want to hire you if you don't even know why they shpuld?
Where does one get that strong ego? First born? Encouraging parents? Secure attachment in infancy? Positive regard from your people as a young child? Yes to those but it is the 'fountain of youth' perhaps to find it looking within oneself and seeing what has been built there.

5/29/2019 05:59:50 pm

Tools come and go. Laptop computers included.
There are two sides of a strong ego, one is positive, it keeps the author writing no matter the circumstances. The negative side includes resisting all forms of critique and criticism, whether they are postive or negative.
Passion is an extension of a strong ego, I believe every author and artist needs passion in their art.
New questions.
Can you describe your ideal reader? Who is the core audience you are seeking to find?
What is the biggest obstacle you face in writing?

5/29/2019 06:48:55 pm

The parent of a 10-19 year old would be who I am hoping will read the book. The hardest years are usually about 12-15 years old. Around 12 usually something happens that lets you know your child is entering a new stage. Sometimes parents read when they get desperate which is fine, but I would like people to have the skills of communication and the attitudes of respect and understanding actual development, right before they actually face it. Parents need all the help they can get and they are motivated out of love to be the best parent. Part of the reason for writing the book is because of all the negative stories I have heard and contiune to hear about parents and the way they treat children they actually love! Teenagers need straight talk, not in a teachy mode but particularly about the real feelings of their parents.
Trite though it is, my biggest obstacle is time. I need some space, a chunk of time. Even if it is a few hours where no other committments are pressing. It's not something I can do in increments of 30 minutes. Many writers are very disciplined about their writing time. I am a disciplined person, I believe but I haven't ever developed a schedule for writing. But even still I am struck with the need to write and so I do.

5/29/2019 09:15:19 pm

I think you are right about the parents of the 10- to 12-year-old kid. If they haven't established that baseline of honest communication, the job is going to be that much more difficult. Not impossible, but not easy. It will require a fair amount of work and a plan to catch up to the needs of the child.
Time is the bugaboo for most writers as they frequently have jobs to pay the bills. It's funny, we always make time for the things we value the most without even being aware of it. Perhaps that is the problem, we are not making decisions with awareness.
New questions.
Do you struggle with writer's block and how do you overcome it?
If you were to start writing fiction, would you use a pen name? Why or why not? Some multi-genre authors have a different pen name for each type of writing. Some don't.

5/30/2019 03:18:39 pm

Writer's block may only happen with people who have to make their living writing. I never have enough time to write what I want!
When I was in college, I remember a woman I knew and her husband, decided not to tell people they were married because they would be treated differently, that all the ideas one has about a married couple then would be part of other's response to them. I get that and there is certainly truth that we have many, many biases wee bring to every interaction we have with people. Perhaps a person who does use a pen name would have much more information than I do about the reasons for it. I can think writers may want to be unaffected by a certain bias, or they are protecting themselves when they forge new territory. I can't imagine ever doing that myself.

5/30/2019 05:12:12 pm

Many writers seem to struggle with writer's block, and I have heard different theories and cures for it. I am glad to hear that you don't struggle with it.
Pen names are an interesting topic. I have heard of a writer who has many different pen names, she has a website for each, but they all send a person to her main site where all the pen names are brought together under her name. I imagine she hopes to get some crossover between genres.
New questions.
Are there any writing styles or genres that you disliked at first but soon came to like?
Do you think reading, watching movies or listening to music help you be a better writer?

5/30/2019 05:43:13 pm

I feel as if I can always be surprised by a book or a genre and/or style. I think it was Isak Dinesen (Out of Africa) who said, "No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader." For instance, your favorite, science fiction, is not something I am drawn to, but I have enjoyed some Asimov and others in my time.
In my thirties a therapist said to me, "You find meaning in everything." I considered that a great compliment. Since writing, like any art is at it's heart self-expression, all of those form one and change us. Wherever I find a lesson, I take it. I suppose I have learned the most about writing from reading since it is the crafting of words but observation of people and relationships and actually studying people I admire has taught me so much and is what I drew from for my book. My study has always been people. Wow, what a pool of examples I have to draw from!

5/30/2019 08:18:10 pm

For most of my life I have been a hardcore fan of science fiction and fantasy. But, in the last few years I have read so many amazing books, that now I am a fan of good writing, regardless of the genre.
Finding meaning and significance in everything is quite an admirable trait.
As a student of people you will never run out of writing material.
New questions.
Do you read books for entertainment or just research homework?
What type of book is your favorite guilty pleasure to read for fun?

5/30/2019 09:49:51 pm

You can find me every morning in the gym, on the elliptical reading a book on my Kindle. I'm always looking for a good read. Pleasure alone! Usually novels, historical, psychological, dynamics of people and sometimes mystery. A wonderful book also makes me go faster! I also read at other times to relax and just enjoy stories and words. I like biographies too and sometimes listen to books in my car, almost always that is non-fiction, books that I want to know the information but am afraid I might get bogged down in the details.
Since I'm still teaching I also read books in my field; that serves a dual purpose of learning and pleasure.
I love Louise Penny, Ann Patchett, Michael Connelly, John Irving, Anne Tyler. I get excited when I see they have a new novel.I keep a BOB too, a book of books, a listing of everything I read or listen to. In my BOB I have a little rating system too, so I know who to look for in the future or who to avoid!

5/31/2019 11:21:11 am

We both read a lot and widely. Growing up on a little farm in relative isolation I read everything that came into the house. My dad's magazines, my mom's magazines, the unabridged dictionary, almost 15 pounds, the science encycolpedia, cereal boxes, and the daily newspaper. Everything.
New questions.
Have you ever read a book that changed the way you look at writing?
What was a hurdle you faced in writing this book and how did you overcome it?

Nanette K Brown

5/30/2019 11:31:17 pm

If Nancy Washburn says it then I believe it! She has lived what she writes. Great material that all parents and educators needs to read.

5/31/2019 11:23:29 am

Thank you, Nanette, I appreciate you stopping by and giving a sterling recommendation of Nancy's book.
Are you a writer?

5/31/2019 01:43:37 pm

Years ago I read The Artist's Way, and have referred to it through the years. That helped 'open me up' to possibilities. Anne Lamott, in Bird by Bird, but just in her style helped me relax into my own words.

5/31/2019 02:08:47 pm

The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron, sounds like a fascinating book. It has been in print for a long time. Thanks for telling me about it.
New questions.
Would you agree or disagree with the statement: suffering is a requirement to be a good writer, and why?
Do you subscribe to any magazines, newsletters, blogs or podcasts that enhance your writing career?

5/31/2019 03:46:04 pm

To finish up your last questions, the hurdle I faced was myself, never feeling like it is quite perfect but alas: I remember that beautiful quote, "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen
Suffering is just a part of being a person who is breathing. Life does seem to give some people more to deal with than others but I don't think artists get more just because of their craft. Life teaches all the time, so even if you are only partially awake, everyone has something to say. Art is self expression, one way to reveal the inner person and how they 'see' the world.
I receive professional publications and NPR podcasts are my friend and in the future as I mentioned, I see a writing group. I'm just about to take a series of classes about helping people deal with the end of their life. I've done some work in this area before, so I will be exploring all the stages of life. People are my teachers and I'm very lucky to have so many instructors of different ages and stages.

5/31/2019 05:29:26 pm

That bugaboo you mentioned is something everyone struggles with. A lot of writers call it the inner critic, I call it the Liar. The Liar feeds you messages of despair and hopelessness, telling you that your best effort is inadequate. The Liar compares your work in progress to someone's award-winning published book. For me, the true struggle is putting the Liar in his place. Realizing that there may be 1% truth in what he says to me. The rest must be discarded on a daily basis.
I like that quote from Cohen. The cracks also allow our individuality to shine forth.
We all have suffering in our lives. None are exempt. I think those classes sound quite interesting.
New questions.
What are your favorite reference books for grammar and writing?
Do you think you were born to write or did you have to learn the craft?

5/31/2019 08:48:26 pm

I do still have Elements of Style, which was a great reference but with the internet, even though it is a carnival, you can find helpful information if you keep looking! Still I do refer to my Thesaurus periodically; I've always loved it! I love books of quotes too and own some of those. Even found a book from a word lover called an Exaltation of Larks by James Lipton, which gives the names for groups of animals, very unusual and fun. But I have digressed from grammar! It's the words and how to stitch them together that makes my heart sing!
I imagine it is a combination. I certainly was exposed to writing early and was taught well in school but I think these desires spring from our uniqueness. One of the reasons it is important as parents to listen and watch children as they experience different skills and are exposed to activities is to see what their special gifts might be. Often what we are good at, we love, and vice-versa.

6/1/2019 01:08:24 pm

I love having a thesaurus built into MS Word, also a dictionary. I use both as I am proofreading, quite a bit. I look up a lot of words, searching for alternate spellings and meanings.
I have heard of Lipton's book, but I haven't had the pleasure of reading it. CS Perry has a fun blog, he talks a lot about the history of words.
New questions.
Why do most authors write in 3rd person POV instead of first and second POV?
What is the easiest part of writing a book in general?

6/1/2019 04:12:31 pm

For me, it was writing once I got started. Starting was a little daunting and organizing is tricky. I tried to just focus on what I wanted to say and not worry too much about the final product. It was almost a relief to get the words down and this motivated more time spent.

6/1/2019 04:49:30 pm

Every author struggles with the blank page syndrome. You did exactly the right thing. You started writing. It doesn't matter what you start with, pure nonsense will suffice. Once your brain understands the process it becomes easier.
The most important thing is getting something down on paper. Getting through the first draft is the most important goal. Many experts advise to not worry about any editing while working on the first draft. You cannot edit or publish a blank page.
New questions.
What did you buy with your first royalty check?
How many times did you rewrite the first page, first chapter?

6/1/2019 08:24:26 pm

Any funds I've gotten from the book have gone into the 'fun' fund.
The beginning of the book is the hardest. It's not journalism, but I was very aware that you want to let them know what it's about and catch their attention.
I rewrote it many times and moved everything around many times. At some point I just had to commit. I like my format, of short, practical lessons and I have confidence in the content being helpful, so it was launched!

6/1/2019 09:14:25 pm

Your experience with the first page and first chapter mirror that of most writers. There are lengthy discussions about crafting the perfect "hook". Hooking the reader as soon as possible, so they don't want to put the book down. Your format works quite well.
New questions.
Who are your favorite living authors at this time?
What was the earliest experience that made you realize that you could influence and change lives with the power of writing?

6/2/2019 01:27:31 am

I haven't made my living writing but talking and listening. Even in high school my teachers were always pleased by my writing. To touch people or change people with written words came later through some reflections on life and spiritual musings. People would tell me that I had a way of saying things that made them clear and inspiring. One of the challenges in writing the book was to take what I had been teaching, and writing it, and making it just as dynamic as I could in person. I enjoyed that challenge. Some lectures of course are spoken writing, and teaching has changed lives, at least this is what I have often been told. Words have had power in my life and I know they do for others; words have the power to hurt or heal.
As far as living authors, other than the ones I mentioned before, I love Richard Rohr for guidance, Fr. Greg Boyle for inspiration also Tracy Kidder (Mountains Beyond Mountains) I always look forward to an Anne Tyler novel and John Grisham has some gems among all that entertainment. Geraldine Brooks is also a favorite. The possibilities are endless evidently for the formation of words into configurations that bring knowledge, joy, sorrow, laughter and a changing of the view from one's own small view finder.

6/2/2019 11:08:36 am

Words have unlimited power to heal and hurt, just like you said. While the spoken word is quite ephemeral, the written word is very permanent.
Clear communication is of great value, not all can do it equally well. The transition from spoken to written doesn't always have great success. Your book is an exception, your communication of the concepts is quite good.
New questions.
Do you believe that a good book will sell itself?
Do you think good marketing can overcome the limitations of a mediocre book?

6/2/2019 01:07:57 pm

A little faith in the process of good information or great entertainment or helpful messages rising by word of mouth is probably important to have if you are going to put a book out into the world. Everyone starts somewhere! AND we live in a world that is 'marketing' at us, twenty four hours a day. I've always felt in my own life that the important way to be successful at what ever you want is to take steps toward it. Do something, in other words to make your desired outcome more possible. I've used this strategy consciously for employment, school, writing a book and parenting really. There are very few magical cures, successes, healings in my opinion. There are some, but most of the time, a little faith, and some work go hand in hand for positive outcomes. Just last week a young man came to my office and was very anxious because he had missed two weeks and therefore two quizzes. He was stuck on the fact that he had let himself do that by circumstances in his life. Finally, I had to say to him, "Jorge, you've got three days before the final, if you do well you can pass the class. That is what you have control over now, not the past. You do have control over your studying in the next three days. If you study you'll know it and you will come in confident." He did better than he had ever done in any of the other quizzes or tests the whole semester. When he walked up to hand in his test his whole demeanor had changed; he was sure of himself.
So, advice to self: focus on what I do have control over and leave the rest to the powerful kindness of the Universe.

6/2/2019 01:48:43 pm

Some excellent advice and a great example. I have said and done similar things myself, most of my life. I believe in going after what you want. If you don't ask, you won't get. I definitely agree with your advice to self.
New questions.
What is the biggest myth about writing that would help aspiring authors?
In your experience, which marketing avenues have been the most rewarding or profitable?

6/2/2019 03:20:56 pm

That you can't think of yourself as a writer if you don't have something published. If you've got the writing bug, write, if you are interested in putting it out in the world there are more forums today than probably ever before if you consider the internet. We all like to be recognized by others, to be responded to, validated and there is nothing wrong with that, but don't wait to use your best pans until you are a gourmet cook! Find friends, blogs, newsletters, magazines and just put something out there. I'm certainly not the first person who said thoughts determine behavior, so change your thoughts!
I don't have enough experience to have wisdom on your second question but I've heard media and reviews. You need to find some type of wider media and find people to review your book. Targeting your audience also sounded like some good advice. Baby steps, as they say!

6/2/2019 04:05:32 pm

If you write, you are a writer. Pure and simple. As the famous philospher said, "Do or do not, there is no try." Some authors write stuff only for their consumption, to please only themselves. They also write stuff to publish. You are right, a writer that wants to be read by others has to put their product into the market place and promote it. Otherwise it will get lost in the overwhelming amount of books out there. Just the other day, I read that approximately one million new books are published every year. Almost all are destined to languish on a website. There are many ways to promote and push your book above the crowd. Publishers don't do that anymore.
Getting reviews is a make or break deal most of the time on Amazon. There are a lot of ways of doing that, many blogs have been written all over the web. One of my guest blogs is about finding your first 1000 readers. It is a good place to start.
New questions.
Did you have sections that were removed from this book? If, so why did you remove them?
How do you balance the demands on your time as a writer with personal relationships?

6/2/2019 06:39:51 pm

I kept writing so nothing was removed but I had some more material that I didn't add. I believe it fit more into parenting younger children, therefore, another book perhaps?
Sad to say pretty much everything else came first and then time for writing. So truly most of my writing was completed during summer and other breaks in our college schedule. Since my SO is a writer too, that helped a lot for me. We spent a lot of time companionably writing across from each other at a table. Since the topic also applies to my teaching life, this also helps in terms of time management. I believe they call that double dipping, at least applied to time. I wonder if when I retire, I may form a routine for writing. I have always been admiring of those folks for instance who write four hours every morning, etc. As I mentioned, time itself and space does seem to foster creativity, at least in me. When my children were young and school would let out, the first week or so they would be heard to say, "I'm bored." My response was always, "that's a personal problem." They didn't necessarily appreciate this sentiment but I noticed as unstructured time went on their play became much more creative , complex and engaging. A certain amount of stress free space is the key that unlocks my writer self.

6/2/2019 07:19:59 pm

More material? Another book? Wonderful! Darn good idea. I bet you get lots of feedback from your talks, more potential material.
I am a firm believer in routine and structure. I thrive in a framework. It sounds like you might also. Some writers swear by it and some swear at it. Fortunately, there is plenty of room around that table for every person to find their style and system. It sounds like you have found yours.
Last questions.
Have you thought about doing an audio book?
Do you have any other passions or creative outlets to pursue if you didn't write?
Can you tell us anything about your next book?

6/2/2019 09:51:35 pm

I have a few people who have asked about an audio book. That would be fun! We'll see how to make that happen.
Besides work with people at the end of their life, I am certainly going to do something in the area of human trafficking. It appalls me completely and there are ways to help besides the small amount of money I do give to CAST.
Studying drawing is on the horizon but just for pure pleasure.
I love to hike and explore places I haven't been, and travel. This summer we are on our way to Israel on a learning trip through the Jewish Federation. I just was exposed to Kati (Phillipino 'stick' fighting). It was so much fun! Like dancing with a partner! I'm going to pursrue more of that and have already found classes I can attend. Maybe it's all a strange combination, but all things that get my heart to beating with excitement.
There are so many ways to spend one's time that I would really enjoy, but some of them will have to wait a few years.
Next book either for parents of babies or preschoolers perhaps. I'm a fan of babies and a little bit of knowledge of babies for parents, would enhance the quality of their lives. So much to do....I hope I have time!

Thank you so much Mark, for this opportunity and this enriching time! You are an aficionado of questions! Thank you for your comments and thoughtfulness!

6/2/2019 11:01:44 pm

This has been so much fun to walk with you through your writing and publishing journey. We have gotten to know the person behind the cover, so to speak.
You have plans for some serious and some fun things. I am excited for you, the trip to Israel is a dream come true.
Thank you again for being such a wonderful guest.

You and Me Kid A Practical Guide for Meeting Your Teen with Faith, Hope, and Love By Nancy Washburn

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